Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
