Me too!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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