Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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