why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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