Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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