I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
