You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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