It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
