Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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