I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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