too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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