you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
