How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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