I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
