How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
