dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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