I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize