6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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