Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
did you just send me my own nude
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
