I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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