I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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