We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
