You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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