Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My breasts were aching with rage.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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