she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
