You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
