I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
