Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
