She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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