I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
