When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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