Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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