Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
