you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
