if i can run in heels then i can drive
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
