You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
