I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
