is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
