So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
