You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
