tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
