Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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