apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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