I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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