Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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