Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
