just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
