Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
