I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
