Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
