ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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