i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
