Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
