Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
