I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
