I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
