plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
