I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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