This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
