you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
