You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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