I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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