I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hippo gnu deer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
