I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
