sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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