I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
