Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When are your genitals available?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
