Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
