Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
