so let's talk penis.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
