Plan B is the new Plan A
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
