I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
