I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
