I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
