do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
