I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
