I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
