There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
