You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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