Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
