You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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