I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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