If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
